The Problem

There’s a number of reasons people can’t get therapy these days:

Insurance doesn’t cover it, or there are no therapists who take the insurance.
There are too many waitlists for therapists.
It’s too expensive to pay for the deductible or out of pocket.
Scheduling sessions doesn’t fit with work, kids, or other responsibilities.
There are too few therapists in the area.

With all that said, we need to work with what we’ve got. It’s easy to complain about insurance, the system, or the expenses of therapy. While these may all be valid concerns, they are often outside our control.

Some Solutions Instead

What is inside our control is what we do in response to the unfairness. That’s not meant to be corny – that’s reality. Taking the next best step with the options you have will help you later. Sulking that the world is unfair will not. So, sulking aside, let’s get to work. What else are we to do?

1. Reach out to supports

Your loved ones can’t be your therapists, but they can and need to be who you share life with, on the good, bad, and ugly days. Consider the people in your immediate circle. They may be your partner, family, or friends. Coworkers, neighbors, your kids’ parents, and fellow churchgoers may also be in this group. We are social creatures and we need people (or pets if we have them).

You may only have 1 or 2 people you’re close to in your life. You may have far more people you dislike or don’t trust. That’s ok — 1 or 2 people is more than enough. Make sure to reach out to those people: call, text, FaceTime. Let them know you care about them. Tell them when you’re struggling, because they’d want to know.

Meanwhile, look for small opportunities to meet new people. It might be a quick hello to a neighbor or introducing yourself at your child’s party. In time, it might be going to an event and making small talk. You never know who you’re going to meet and who will fall into your circle.

Furthermore, look to your family member, partner, or friends who do go to therapy. Listen to what their therapists tell them. What books or videos do they recommend? What words or language do they use? Our problems at their core aren’t that much different. What your loved one is being told might be helpful for what you need.

2. Use self-help

When we have problems, we need knowledge and a new way of looking at the problem. Oftentimes, self-help books and videos do exactly that. We get to interact with the material and, in a way, take on a mindset and lifestyle different from our own.

Reading. As a therapist, I take a lot of what I use with myself and my clients from a variety of books – self-help, business, leadership, memoirs, and fiction all help us better understand the human experience.

Anxiety, depression, triggers, feeling worthless, thinking negatively, and being resentful are covered in more books than you can count. Goodreads, BookTok, and ChatGPT can offer recommendations based on the issue you’re dealing with.

I read with a pen and a highlighter. Unless you’re borrowing from the library, write in those margins. Turn corners of pages. Highlight what stands out to you. Put post-its and bookmarks in so you remember what to turn to when you need it. You can also do plenty of this with eBooks on a Kindle, phone, or iPad.

Remember, you don’t have to be a “good” reader. You don’t have to read fast either. Reading to understand and later apply is much more important. Take your time, look up words, and don’t be afraid to feel stupid for a moment reading something that feels too smart or doesn’t make sense. The more you read and sit with the material, the more it’ll make sense to how your brain operates. That’s how reading works – it’s a give and take between our brain and the brain of the author.

Audiobooks. If you can’t get into reading or struggle to pick up a book, many of us have Spotify. For 99 cents a month (not sponsored by Spotify), add a bunch of hours of audiobooks. You might have an Amazon account — add Audible.

Streaming. YouTube gives you access to some of the greatest minds, including therapists who offer free guidance and wisdom on mental health. Find someone you resonate with and watch enough of their stuff until you could guess what their next video is about just from the title. That’s how you know you truly understand their philosophy and solutions.

Netflix also has specials like Brené Brown’s “The Call to Courage” and Jonah Hill’s “Stutz,” which both can give you plenty of ideas on how to be more vulnerable and use daily tools to improve your relationships and your mental health.

3. Journal

No one is going to validate your problems like you. By journal, I mean talk about your problems. Social media is not your journal. That’s public and is more about the validation of others. You have to censor too much for that.

Write or speak for yourself. Get out a pen, pull out your laptop, or turn on the voice memos on your phone. Ramble for a while. Vent. When you’re ready, make meaning of what you said. Then delete or shred.

Are these emotions how you actually feel? Or are they raw emotions that need to be sifted through and tossed away?

4. Take care of your body and spirit

Therapy usually pushes you to consider the state of your body and how your spiritual beliefs impact your life — not just your thinking, feelings, or mental state.

For your body: Are you eating well? Are you sleeping enough? Are you exercising? Am I doing something to my body that is unhealthy? If so, why?

For your soul: What do I believe in? If I do believe in God or a higher power, how would someone else know that without me saying? Am I trusting what I believe through how I act?

5. No excuses

Whether or not you go to therapy, you will make up excuses about trying out what your therapist has to say or what you know is best for you. The same issues that hurt your personal relationships will leak into the therapeutic process. If you don’t trust your romantic partners, it’ll affect therapy. If you don’t feel the courage to try something new, it’ll affect therapy. If you want to talk the whole time and control the whole process, it’ll affect therapy.

Work on these issues as best you can with the tools and relationships you already have. When you do finally get therapy, you’ll be more intentional. It won’t just be a vent session. You’ll instead need someone who can do the work with you, not just listen to your problems. You’ve tried being more honest, staying consistent, or controlling your anger. This worked, but that didn’t. You have data. Now the therapist has more to work with to help you.

Conclusion

You might feel discouraged because therapy is supposed to be the way you “fix” your mental health. Individual therapy is not the only way. Accept where you are and take some of the time you do have to focus on the resources you have. You’ll be thankful to yourself later.